When I pray or wish upon a star I usually wish for the same thing. I wish for options and opportunities and for my eyes, ears, and all my senses to be open and willing to hear or see what I need to in order to provide a bountiful life for my son and myself. It’s an open prayer and it puts the onus on me to be present. It’s actually amazing how it works.
In the past few weeks I have heard and read two things that have really stuck with me that I want to share:
As someone who has struggled with co-dependency (though it’s pretty much gone I’m happy to say), I still struggle to understand it. When in an Al-Anon meeting it’s interesting that two people or ten people can say the same thing yet we only hear it from one. That’s true of most of us. We cannot hear what a parent says to us yet we can hear it from our best friend. Our senses open to certain people and not to others – often it’s people we don’t even know because we have no emotional attachment to their feelings or thoughts.
Anyway, oddly, two things came my way through the media these past weeks. One on television and the other through a magazine.
“The Affair” is a television show on Showtime. It’s about a married family man who has an affair with a young married woman who recently lost her son in an accident. The first season was about the affair’s beginning but this season I find more powerful and I am able to relate to more of the emotions. At the end of last week’s episode, in the previews for the following week, while I was barely paying attention, I heard the dialogue (written by the brilliant David Henry Hwang), “You fell in love with her darkness…” I have to say I gasped at this small sentence. As someone who has studied Jungian psychology and had a great amount of success in working with it, this spoke mountains to me. Yes, that was it. That was the basis for so much of my co-dependence and Al-Anon issues. I almost laughed as it was so simple. Have I heard it before? Not necessarily this perfectly but it answered so many questions that lingered in my mind, I can now see things in a much clearer way.
The second experience actually came a week or so before this from of all people, Rihanna, who was interviewed in Vanity Fair. I am not a fan of hers and would never give much attention to what she said but again, she nailed it and I happened to read it while futzing about online while waiting for my son to get into his pyjamas one night. She spoke about her relationship with Chris Brown and said, (and I quote from the magazine’s November 2015 issue):
“Maybe I’m the person who’s almost the guardian angel to this person, to be there when they’re not strong enough, when they’re not understanding the world, when they just need someone to encourage them in a positive way and say the right thing.” So, she thought she could change him? “A hundred percent. I was very protective of him. I felt that people didn’t understand him. Even after … But you know, you realize after a while that in that situation you’re the enemy. You want the best for them, but if you remind them of their failures, or if you remind them of bad moments in their life, or even if you say I’m willing to put up with something, they think less of you—because they know you don’t deserve what they’re going to give. And if you put up with it, maybe you are agreeing that you [deserve] this, and that’s when I finally had to say, ‘Uh-oh, I was stupid thinking I was built for this.’” – (the bold is my addition but it’s all on the nose)
I have heard the above before, I have understood it before and I have, I thought, accepted it before. Friends told me, I figured it out myself but here is was, put in the right words at the right time when I wasn’t even thinking about it but I was present and maybe more present than before and this time, both times, I heard these two bits of dialogue, one fiction, the other non-fiction and they spoke to me and are completely and 100% connected. So the wishing worked.
As for options and opportunities. After wishing on a star the other night while my son and I were out walking the dog we returned home and found a text from someone I am working with saying simply, “Call me, I have a new opportunity for you”.